At its most literal, this proverb can seem obvious. A person drinking in a bar thinks they are fine and can handle more alcohol – they order another drink. The bartender thinks they cannot – he refuses to serve it. Battle lines are drawn, and what began as a great evening devolves into a war.

This proverb says it is all a matter of perspective. And it is essential to give others space to have a different perspective rather than insisting that everyone adopt your view.

One day, I happened to mention to my husband that I loved anchors because to me, they represent being solid and grounded; to be anchored is to have sure base you can always come back to so you are never lost. He looked at me like I had five heads. He explained that to him, anchors represent the ocean and all of its vastness; the myriad possibilities and opportunities we have depending on which way we choose to sail. We looked at exactly the same thing yet gave it opposite meanings – one vast, one fixed.

We could choose to battle over this until one of us agreed with the other, but why? By recogninzing the perspectives we bring, both of us now have a richer way to look at anchors. This proverb’s lesson is about respecting different veiwpoints which doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It is about realizing that there are many ways to look at a situation; suspending judgement and applying other lenses.

Strive to see as both the drunk and the bartender to gain a whole view.

Every marketing specialist knows the truth in this proverb.  People are lured in by low prices, then spend more than they planned. It happens with $19.95 knife sets on TV and Black Friday early bird specials. The same tactic has been used over and over for years for one simple reason – it works! The siren song of a deal lures us in, and we spend…

But the proverb doesn’t only refer to money.  It’s also about the idea that there’s a shortcut way to the results we want.  And while that idea is tempting, generally things just don’t work out that way. When I’m planning to go to the beach and want to look great in my bathing suit,  I may think I can  go on a quick weight loss plan with shakes or pills or some such. But when the big day arrives I find myself at the same weight, or more!

What about you? Ever cheat on  a test? Try a get rich quick scheme?  Expand a bit on the paramenters of a diet (apple pie has apples therefore it is a fruit)? We’ve all been there.  This proverb reminds us that even though something may be hard or take longer, the results are worth the effort.  The cheap is expensive in the end because shortcuts deprive us of the full experience – and we miss out on a bit of life’s richness.  And that is REALLY expensive.

I remember once going to a store to buy a bracelet. I found a beautiful silver one, with small opals all around between fine scrollwork. I saw a price tag next to it – only $110! Delighted, I asked the clerk to take it out of the case so I could purchase it, only to be told that the ticket was for something else and the bracelet was actually $150.

NO! I argued with the clerk and she argued with me, each of us insisting we were right. Me – the price tag is RIGHT BY THE BRACELET! Her – the bracelet COSTS $150! Back and forth we went, over and over, louder and louder…

In the end, I didn’t get the bracelet, and the store didn’t get the sale. Our insistence on being right made both of us wrong.

I forgot my what I came for in my zeal to be right – the bracelet! I could have easily asked for the owner to clear up the confusion, or simply paid the price given by the clerk. Wouldn’t that be giving up? Well, that depends on the goal,  being right or buying  jewelry.

This proverb reminds us that there are more important things than just being right. Battling over the water hole leaves both rams thirsty.

Let’s be clear right away – there is no sexual connotation to this proverb!  We are talking here about the large head on the top of your neck, and the brain contained therein. 

 We are all bombarded with messages from marketers telling us to buy this or sign up for that! Limited time offer! This will change your life!

Yes, we’ve heard and seen it all, marketing designed to gain our belief, trust and ultimately our money. Very often, we make a choice to spend after hearing and seeing the same ads over and over – we are convinced over time by the persistence of the message. We sell our  heads – our reason – and the company marketing to us profits.

Choosing to buy a new cleanser or appliance is one thing; but the same can happen with the marketing of ideas. Politics today are heavily influenced by the booming voices on talk radio or the mass of words on the internet. Social media, blogs, tweets, articles – we see them all the time, and no less than the marketers of merchandise they seek to buy our heads, our agreement.

Just as a purchase can have a long lasting impact on our finances, political choices can have an enduring impact on our world. Take time and care before selling your head to some quick, loudly repeated soundbite. Before taking on ideas as your own, read, research and reflect on your own values. People can continually bombard you with messages, but until you make a choice to sell it, your head is your own.

How many times have you started a diet?  The drill is all too familiar: you make a decision that THIS time, your are really going to stick to it. The day dawns, the diet begins with lots of commitment and determination, and things go well for a while.  But then, there is a slip – maybe a big dinner out, or a birthday cake, or any number of other things that throw the diet off.  The next thing you know, you’re making a decision that THIS time, you are really going to stick to it…

This proverb talks about resisting the tendency to sabotage yourself.  There are so many things we set out to do that are wonderful and worthwhile and HARD. To accomplish anything requires focus and work, so  you have to stick with it. And you have to be really careful so that you don’t become the obstacle in the path of your success.

If you decide to put $25 a week in the bank to save for the future, but every few months you dip into it to “take care of an emergency”, what will you have when the future arrives?  If you want to get ahead at work, but you constantly come in late and argue with your coworkers, how likely is it that you’ll move up the ladder?  Sure, emergencies happen and coworkers can be jerks, but only you know in your heart of hearts the role you play in making your dreams come true.  What you make with your hands, do not break with your feet.  Keep the bigger picture in mind, and do the work necessary to get there. When your whole body is working together, you can accomplish anything you want!

Multitasking is expected of all of us these days.  We are used to doing three or four things at a time: talking on a cellphone while cooking and checking email between ingredients, or traveling to work and shopping online while reading the news.

I used to take pride in how many things I could do at one time, until I discovered something: doing too many things at one time is a surefire way not to do any of them well!  When your attention is divided, so is your effort, and no task gets the very best you have to offer.

Consider instead the message of the four legged dog.  Once the dog has chosen a direction, all of the legs go with it - attention is focused and progress is made.  Give a task your focused attention and make progress!  If you have lots of things to do, choose the order and try doing them one at a time.  See if you can get more accomplished by spending 20 laserlike minutes on each of three jobs in succession OR multitasking for the whole hour.  Which feels better? More satisfying? Less harried? My guess -

The four legged dog rules!

Not too long ago, I learned about a program that teaches inner city children “business talk”.  That is, learning to speak the lanuguage of the business world, so that as they grow, these children can communicate clearly in the broadest possible community.  It is an admirable lesson taught from a place of great concern: that when these children become adults, they will be judged immediately (and perhaps harshly)  not based on their skills or talents, but on the way they present themselves, and a large part of that is the way they speak. 

That concern may seem clear with children, but it is no less true of adults.  Have you watched some of the “reality” shows on TV lately?  It seems that cursing, yelling and rudeness are qualities to be celebrated.  Clearly being obnoxious gets a lot of folks on television, and many of them go on to more and more fame – obnoxiousness pays off.

So if being rude can make you rich and famous, what is the value of business talk?  Why should anyone believe that speaking clearly and courteously is worthwhile? The way you speak is the way you are treated.  I have to believe that some of the reason we watch those shows is to feel superior.  In the same situations, we would behave better!  Or even further, we would not put ourselves in that situation in the first place! 

But to the extent that society rewards rudeness, this lesson may be missed.  And while someone may temporarily feel superior by outshouting someone else, their insecurities show behind the bluster.  A quality presentation is respected more than bullying noise, so consider how you want to be treated before you open your mouth.

My tendency when something goes wrong is to relive it, either alone or with others.  I talk to friends and strangers, coaches and therapists, sometimes going into past lives and inner children.  It feels good to get the sympathy.  Hearing people validate my hurts and disappointments gives me a warm fuzzy feeling of self righteousness – I deserve time to curl up in a ball away from everyone or soothe myself with brand new pair of shoes or if its really bad…chocolate!

There is a whole train of thought saying we should dredge up and analyze every past pain. But the truth of this proverb is that reliving pain only keeps you hurting, and you can’t get to pleasure like that.  The longer you wallow in the muck, the longer you are stuck. There is another option:

Look at the situation

Find the lesson and keep it

Throw the rest out to the backyard – leave it behind and move on.

And no going back to the yard to pick through the rubble!  Going backwards prevents going forward, so just let it go.  Keep the lesson in your mind, and allow your heart and soul to open up and move ahead.

Sound cold?  Might be, but look at it this way: we can only grow from painful experiences if we get past them.  So while it may feel good to talk with girlfriends about your terrible break up, or with coworkers about what the boss did to you, or with writer friends about your rejected article, do you really want to stay in that sadness? 

Look at the situation

Find the lesson and keep it

Throw the rest out to the backyard